Friday 26 August 2016

Woman who claims to be a ‘bitch’ until she has first coffee also a bitch after it


Woman angry without coffee

A woman who blames her morning bitchiness on the fact that she’s yet to have her coffee has also proven to be a bitch after it, according to sources today.

Office manager Sharon Williams, 35, is self-aware enough to know that should you approach her before she has sat and had her first coffee of the day, she is likely to rip your head off.

However, colleagues have now claimed that she’s actually quite the bitch regardless of when you approach her, or her caffeine intake.

IT support manager Shane, told us, “I don’t know what she thinks coffee ‘is’ – but it clearly isn’t a Disney-style miracle potion that turns witches into princesses.

“My own research indicates that coffee turns slightly sleepy pompous arseholes into slightly more awake pompous arseholes.

“I asked her if she could order more photocopier paper as people seem to think that paper supply is an IT problem, and she looked at me like I’d shit on the bonnet of her car. She was three cups in by that point.

“And for the record, that was Gary in accounts, but he’d had a few to drink – plus she’d refused his request for an ergonomic keyboard.”

Sharon herself claims that coffee is the only thing stopping her murdering her colleagues.

She told us, “You try sitting there all day being asked by morons where the staples are kept, or why their sandwich have gone from the fridge.

“Seriously, I go caffeine free; this place ends up on the news.”

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