Friday 26 August 2016 by Fat Jim

Obesity plan working, says government of nation glued to programme about cakes


Mary Berry Bake Off

The government is delighted with the success of its obesity plan as only 11.2 million viewers returned for a seventh series of the Great British Bake Off.

“The evidence is clear for everyone to see in the statistics, said government statistical truth-twister, Simon Williams.

“The peak audience of 11.2 million means that 50 million people were probably out playing sports or juicing berries and spinach for a superfood smoothie.

“What we have essentially done here is a bloody brilliant job, our plan is definitely working.”

Experts suggest it might be unfair that the public has to pay £145.50 to the BBC to watch television – which makes you fat in the first place – to further produce shows about cakes which will then make you stuff your face with cake and get even fatter.

Part of the Government’s obesity plan is to make big business take responsibility for their actions, says the report.

When asked for comment the BBC said, “With £5 billion annual income we don’t really consider ourselves a big business, and as a responsible public broadcaster, we need to broadcast responsibly to the needs of the public, and what they need is cake.”

“It’s not television that makes you fat – it’s the sitting down to watch it that does.”

A Bake Off producer commented “Look, we tried to get Mary Berry to fatten up a bit to highlight the dangers of cakes.

“We even pinned her down and rammed as much battenburg into her face as we could , but she just stayed the size of an emaciated twiglit.”

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