Friday 26 August 2016

Nation considers culling generation of GCSE failures


Teenagers to be culled

After GCSE results fell by the largest amount since records began, the nation is wondering if we should just bin the lot of them.

With a third of students failing to gain grades of A* to C in their GCSEs, there are concerns that the current generation will prove to be nothing more than a drain on society’s limited resources.

Taxpayer Simon Williams told us, “The results this year are as bad as they were back in 2008, and I think we can all agree that the morons who did their GCSEs back then have added nothing to society whatsoever.

“The country is already close to being full, so a quick purge of this year’s GCSE takers might actually be a good thing in the long run?

“We could do it humanely; I’m not a monster. We could lure them all into a big pit looking for Pokemon or something?”

16-year-old Jake Matthews said he thought the plan was unfair, despite not doing very well in his exams,

He told us, “Look, I might not be the brightest knife in the shed, but at least I didn’t vote for Brexit.

“So if we’re talking about culls in the national interest, I’d suggest starting there.”

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