Friday 26 August 2016 by Dan Sweryt

Man failing to give tiniest of shits about work as summer holiday approaches


Man preparing for holiday

A man has not given two shits about his workload in the week leading up to his holiday.

Lazy arsehole Simon Williams, 39, has literally surfed the web all week since Monday and put all work on the backburner as he ‘wound down’ for his holiday.

“There was some important work to do,” said the IT consultant from Slough.

“But, crucially, it was important to the people asking for it, not those doing it. It’s important to make that distinction.

“They needed their system to do something important for year end or something. I wasn’t really listening to what they were saying to be honest, as I was daydreaming about sitting on a sun lounger in garish bermuda shorts baking myself to a crisp.

“I mean, really I don’t really give a shit about it anyway, and don’t do that much even when I am there, to be honest. But this week I made extra special effort to do even less than usual.

“I managed to catch up with loads of iPlayer stuff, read Facebook till I was literally bored to tears and even sorted out the last-minute travel insurance and foreign currency that I couldn’t be arsed doing before – despite having had eight months to do it after booking my holiday in January.

“Don’t you worry though, I’ll get back a week on Monday, refreshed and ready and eager to start the process of winding down for Christmas.”

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