Thursday 25 August 2016 by Davywavy

Artistic impressions of exoplanets need more flying saucers and ray guns, scientists told


Alien Invasion

Scientists stand accused of being boring and unimaginative after yet another tedious artist’s impression of a new alien world was released today.

The picture, of newly discovered Proxima B, shows a storm-girt extraterrestrial landscape without a single flying saucer, megalomaniac space tyrant, or green bloke with a huge brain carrying off an earth woman to ravish her.

Proxima B, which has an older, redder star and is slightly denser than Earth, is right in the ‘Goldilocks Zone’ which might allow it to hold liquid water and produce a peaceful alien civilisation far in advance of our own which only differs from humanity due to the extra knobbly lumps on their foreheads.

Critics are divided over whether the alien cities shown in depictions of new worlds should be of soaring, silvery phallic towers surrounded by airships, dark, hollowed industrial cavern complexes filled with creeping terrors, or Eighties-style condominium developments populated by people wearing white and beige.

“These astronomers go on about engaging people with science but give them an opportunity like this and they completely blow it”, said amateur astronomer and Orion dancing girl enthusiast Simon Williams.

“How are we to encourage the next generation to take up the mantle of space exploration unless we show them the wonders that might be out there, like flying cities, terrifying insectoid monstrosities, and bikini-clad women shackled to space slugs?

“That’s the problem with these scientists. It’s all ‘fact this’ and ‘evidence that’. Well, there may be no evidence there are gigantic armies of self-aware robots that have destroyed their makers and wait eternally in the ruins of a once-great world to do battle with man, but there’s no evidence there aren’t either, is there?”

However, astronomers who discovered Proxima B rejected the criticism and insisted the artist impression of the new world was as accurate as they could make it.

“You can’t see the aliens because they’ve evolved into beings of pure thought and ascended to a higher plane”, we were told. “Duh. Obvs.”

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