Wednesday 24 August 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Seats are bourgeois, says Jeremy Corbyn


Jeremy Corbyn claims train seats are bourgeois

Jeremy Corbyn has hit out at criticisms that he avoided sitting on available train seats in order to sit on the floor for an unconvincing photo opportunity by launching a stinging attack against the ‘bourgeois’ practise of sitting on seats on trains.

“I avoided seats, obviously,” said Mr Corbyn.

“Train seats are well known as tools of the establishment designed entirely to delineate between the privileged few and the oppressed masses.

“I made the only decision my conscience would allow and sat on the dusty floor with my working class brethren and slytherin, I mean, my brothers and sisters.”

Mr Corbyn went on to explain that when he established his worker’s collective, all train seats would be removed and everyone would sit on the floor regardless of their position.

Free-thinking readers of the completely unbiased Jeremy Corbyn fan club newsletter The Canary had their minds immediately put to rest as it rushed out a series of articles claiming the national press was engaged in an out-and-out smear campaign against Mr Corbyn.

After they’d done that, they set about addressing the train controversy and immediately rushed out a series of articles claiming the national press was engaged in an out-and-out smear campaign against Mr Corbyn.

Satisfied that he’d put the matter to rest, Mr Corbyn excused himself.

“Now, brothers and sisters, if you’ll excuse me, my driver’s here to take me up to the Commons for a lovely slap-up dinner with John and Diane.

“Shit.”

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