Wednesday 24 August 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Owen Smith: Vote for me and I’ll suck you off


Owen Smith leadership election

Labour leadership contender Owen Smith has moved on from promising a second EU referendum if elected to an offer of full-blown oral sex for anyone who votes for him.

“Let me be clear,” said the bespectacled left-leaning hunk

“I am prepared to travel the length and breadth of the country in order to nosh the sausage, or kiss the strawberries of every person who votes for me.”

The Owen Smith campaign has denied that he is getting increasingly desperate and is just making a series of rash promises in an ultimately doomed attempt to defeat Jeremy Corbyn.

“That is clearly nonsense,” said a campaign spokesperson.

“Owen’s a talented politician who would make an exceptional Labour leader.

“He also says he’s happy to tickle your balls, but if you want him to go round the back at all, he’s going to need a donation to the campaign.”

The declaration seems to have resonated amongst the party membership.

“A blow-job, eh?” Said Jeremy Corbyn supporter and vegan beard maintainer Simon Williams.

“Well, as you can imagine, I don’t get a lot of those. This could really swing it for me.”

The Corbyn camp has yet to respond, but it is understood that he is reluctant to go much beyond a handjob.

Advantage Smith!

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