Friday 19 August 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Smashing up a petrol station fine as long as you sing national anthem properly


Ryan Lochte Olympics in Rio

Smashing up a gas station and pissing on the walls is A-OK as long as you behaved yourself during your country’s national anthem.

The revelation came after Olympic swimmer, Ryan Lochte, and his teammates caused criminal damage to a petrol station, assaulted a security guard and urinated on the walls of the premises.

They then topped it off by claiming they had been mugged at gunpoint and filed a false police report to that effect.

“But they stood with their hands on their hearts for the national anthem, so that’s not really a big deal,” confirmed USA Olympic Team Manager, Chuck Williams.

“Any and all criminality can and will be dismissed as ‘a bit of fun’ as long as that person behaves themselves during our jumped up sports day.

“And yes, Ryan Lochte fled the country before he could be arrested, but that’s just testament to his athletic speed and quick reflexes. Everyone is just jealous.

“Now, that Gabby Douglas! Talk about a bitch. Stood there for the national anthem with her hand nowhere NEAR her heart.

“She wants locking up, if you ask me.”

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