Friday 19 August 2016 by Davywavy

Man says he’s not very good at maths like it’s something to be proud of


Man not good with numbers

Local man Simon Williams is happy to tell people he’s hopeless at maths as if he expects people to be impressed by that.

When presented with any situation that requires numerical thinking, Williams is known to beam widely and explain that he’s ‘completely crap at sums’ and then acts like he’s said something praiseworthy or funny.

Witnesses confirm that instead of doing anything whatsoever to remediate his low level of attainment in the subject, such as a bit of education or reading, Simon instead just makes decisions based on ‘what I reckon’.

Additionally, Simon gives an annoying half-smile and hands over documents which require a basic mathematical ability to others to look over, saying that concepts like compound interest are beyond him in a tone of voice that indicates he thinks he deserves a fucking medal.

“I was never any good at maths at school, and that means there’s no chance I ever will be, for as long as I live,” Simon told us.

“All that stuff about fractions and long division and percentages, well, phee-ew!”, he added with a punchably self-deprecating chuckle.

Despite his satisfied declarations of ignorance, people who know Simon confirm that he is an enthusiastic player of both the national lottery and fruit machines and insists that he’s got a ‘system’ that will make him rich one of these days.

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