Thursday 18 August 2016 by Davywavy

Bright orange woman insists her tan is natural


Fake tan

A woman the same colour as a piece of tropical fruit is keen you should believe her tan is entirely natural.

Simone Williams, 26, who claims she recently went on the ‘most mad’ holiday to Bali, returned to work approximately the same shade as a tangerine which she described as ‘totes real’ while attempting to hide the palms of her hands.

“Obvs I’m careful with the sunscreen, but I just tan, like, really quickly and naturally,” she told colleagues.

“You wouldn’t believe what it was like – I just went this colour from snorkelling off my hangovers in the afternoon,” she added, carefully stepping around the fact that to ‘just go’ that colour she would have to have been swimming through the runoff from a major chemical plant.

Co-workers have nodded and smiled politely through Simone’s description of how she came to be the peculiar colour, before retreating to the toilets to forensically dissect her story and speculate that the holiday was actually in Margate.

Having successfully carried off her deception, Simone next plans to act surprised and pretend she thought everyone’s teeth glow under ultraviolet light.

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