Wednesday 17 August 2016 by Neil Tollfree

‘Bloody Olympics’ complains joyless prick


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Simon Williams, a joyless prick, has expressed in no uncertain terms his displeasure that the Olympics is still on.

“I don’t care how much enjoyment people are getting from the sight of genuinely humble men and women truly excelling in their area of endeavour,” said Mr Williams with arms defiantly folded.

“I want to watch Great Railway Journeys with Michael Portillo on BBC4, and I can’t because of the bloody Olympics.

“Yes, I could just not watch it and go for a walk or something, but why should I? It’s my human rights to watch what I want on television, probably.

“I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade or anything,” he continued, clearly wanting to rain on everyone’s parade.

“But frankly, I’ll be happy when the whole thing’s over, and we can all get back to normal.”

Mr Williams went on to explain that it’s not simply the absence of Michael Portillo’s Great Railway Journeys that troubles him.

“The thing with the Olympics is that it’s just a lot of stupid sports that no-one really cares about,” he claimed, citing the Pommel-Horse event watched by over ten million people as a particularly egregious example.

“It’s not even a real horse. It’s rubbish.”

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