Tuesday 16 August 2016 by Davywavy

Downing Street asks for petitions to be printed on softer, perforated paper


Toilet Roll

The government has today issued a plea that people handing in petitions to No. 10 print them on softer paper.

Many members of the public, especially on social media, possess a touching faith in the efficacy of petitions and regularly share them in an effort to both change the world and make their friends aware what a caring person they are.

When these petitions reach their target number of signatories, they are printed off and delivered to Downing Street, where they have contributed to ‘significant’ savings in bathroom hygiene purchases.

When David Cameron was Prime Minister, he was happy to just have a big stack of A4 with people’s names and email address on them in the bathroom, but Theresa May has called for a ‘new broom’, according to Downing Street insiders.

The government has issued guidelines for petitioners which include printing their demands on soft, triple ply paper with regular perforations and preferably scented with Aloe.

“It’s not essential, but will help ensure that your petition ends up in the right place as quickly as possible,” said Petitions and Bathroom Supplies Secretary Simon Williams.

“Rather than using individual sheets we would also be grateful if you could print off the petition on a single roll for ease of storage.

“If you can’t manage that, don’t worry. We have three cats about the place these days and individual sheets can always find a use when one or another has a gippy tummy.”

The government went on to insist that every petition delivered to Downing Street is given the consideration it deserves, especially after a large state banquet with the Indian delegation.

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