Monday 15 August 2016 by Lucas wilde

Salad still shit


Salad still shit

Salads have remained unfathomably dreadful despite the fact we basically live in the future now.

The so-called “healthy choice” usually consists of a bowl of fucking leaves, some bits of pepper, maybe a few cucumber slices and various other terrible shite intended for animals who don’t actually live that long.

“We’ve tried everything,” confirmed scientist, Simon Williams.

“We’ve tried putting a bit of chicken in it, but that just reminded us of the roast dinner we definitely weren’t eating.

“We tried drizzling it with an absolute shitload of sauce, but that actually made the thing unhealthier than a cheeseburger, which rather negates the whole exercise.

“At one point I think someone even tried putting apples and walnuts into one. God knows what that poor sod had been drinking.

“Then we tried pasta salad, but over the years that has basically morphed into JUST pasta. Seriously, try buying a ‘pasta salad’ from Tesco. It’s pure carbohydrate.

“Nothing can save the salad; especially avocado, so stop that shit right now.

“Have a sandwich like the rest of us and stop showing off.”

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