Friday 12 August 2016

United Nations forms committee to address growing atrocities in pizza toppings


UN Committee on Pizza toppings

The United Nations announced today that they will be forming a committee on ethics in pizza toppings following recent controversy over the use of pineapple.

The move comes after a rise in the number of horrific incidents occurring in ‘choose your own topping’ pizzerias across the world.

“The Committee’s purpose is to determine the ethical practices that should be adopted by these pizzerias,” explained Mogens Lykkeloft in his most recent speech to the United Nations General Assembly.

The UN action comes as a response to multiple complaints on social media over the involvement of pineapples, which millions consider ‘a complete abomination’ and ‘just not night’.

Lykkeloft went on, “We feel it is our duty as an intergovernmental organisation to address the most serious matters affecting the lives of people around the world.

“And a cursory glance at social media will show you just how angry people are when it comes to what is happening with Pizza toppings today.

“We can no longer stand idly by and let such atrocities go unanswered. There are people out there enduring incredible suffering with combinations such as anchovies and pineapple – we must act.”

The committee is to consist of delegates from Italy, Costa Rica and the United States of America, as well expert stereotypical Italian-American pizza chefs.

The first meeting will be held as soon as the committee can agree which pizza delivery firm should be chosen to provide the catering.

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