Friday 12 August 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Labour courting votes by telling new members to f*ck off


LAbour voting

The Labour party reckons the first step to a successful election is to tell a good proportion of their own party to sod right off.

The declaration comes after the party successfully overturned a ruling which allowed members of the party to vote in the party’s election without paying £25 (or two London pints) for the privilege.

“Go on, fuck off,” beamed party spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“None of you matter because you’re new. But don’t forget to vote for us come election-time, we are your party, at least in that context.

“But for now, sling your hook, and take your Jeremy Corbyn posters with you. Maybe you can have a whale of a time recycling them like the pack of bubble-wrapped hippies you so obviously are.”

“Once again, please don’t forget to vote for us in the election when it comes up.

“We really are so much better than the Conservative party – by the way did we mention you could have voted in this thing if you paid £25, you pack of fucking cheapskates?”

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