Friday 12 August 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Four bits of crumpet win gold at the Men’s Fours


Rowing gold for Team GB

Four gorgeous lads have taken gold in the boat thing today, obviously thanks to their wives and mothers.

Mohammed Sbihi, George Nash, Constantine Louloudis and London 2012 winner Alex Gregory finished in five minutes 58.61 seconds, the speedy little minxes.

Admirably filling out the crotches of their delightfully tight rowing pants, the four sex-pots giggled and hugged each other as they crossed the finish line, applauded by their mothers, wives and girlfriends who, in reality, were truly responsible for the win.

“It’s a great day for us,” said Elizabeth King, wife to one of the rowers (rower’s name not important, obviously).

“All of us wives and girlfriends have worked hard for these medals.

“We all made sure the boys weren’t spending too much time on their video games, watching football or any of the other things that silly men do.

“It’s all been worth it in the end, didn’t George look absolutely adorable in those sunglasses?!”

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