Thursday 11 August 2016

Twitter outage forces man to keep tedious observations to himself


Twitter outage

After Twitter had gone down briefly this morning, Hackney resident Simon Williams was forced to keep his god-awfully tedious thoughts to himself.

During the outage, Williams had no release for his humorous observation that his coffee froth looked a bit like Donald Trump, or that people this morning seemed particularly ‘chipper’ on his way to work.

He was also forced to keep to himself a chalkboard sign that contained a grocer’s apostrophe.

“The universe is a worse place because I couldn’t get those tweets out #missedopportunity”, tweeted Williams once the site came back online.

“#DidYouMissMe,” he added.

Twitter has apologised for the outage, blaming an intern for kicking a plug out of the wall, but said people should be able to go back to tweeting their entire existence as of right now.

A spokesperson said, “We’re sorry you had to keep your lives to yourself for five fucking minutes. How awful for you.

“We hope you feel better now that you can finally tell your following of a twelve eggs and an anime character what you had for lunch.”

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