Tuesday 9 August 2016 by Neil Tollfree

John Stones gives up football career to become professional bench-warmer at Man City


John Stones moves to Man City

Promising England defender John Stones has elected to abandon his promising football career for several years to warm the bench at Manchester City’s stadium.

“Being hoovered up by a massive club in order to loll about in the reserves is an important part of every young English player’s career,” said Stones as the deal was completed.

“I’ve decided to plump for Man City because it’s not very far away and the benches look really, really comfy.

“I’m looking forward to getting on with this next stage in my career.”

It is understood that Stones will play two or three times for the first team in obscure cup games, then spend a few months in the reserves before receiving an injury that will see him sidelined for several years, and then, after a few months on the bench for the reserve team, he’ll join Sunderland or Aston Villa and claim that ‘he’s looking forward to getting on with his next stage in my career’.

“We look forward to welcoming this young exciting talent to the club and we are sure he will thrive in whatever bench seat he is being brought in to warm,” said a spokesperson for the club.

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