Monday 8 August 2016 by Lucas Wilde

“F*cking train doors?!” spits every Southern Rail commuter


Southern Rail strike

Southern Rail employees are striking over who should shut the DOORS, for fuck’s sake.

The latest strike action comes in light of a debate over whether the doors of a train/tube full of hell should be closed by a guard, or done remotely by the train driver via CCTV, which sounds way cooler.

“Fucking doors,” spat Simon Williams, a commuter who has nearly lost his job 48 times this year thanks to late trains.

“I guess the pay and conditions row lost its steam after everyone found out tube drivers earn roughly the same as Wayne Rooney – probably, I’m not sure but I bet they do.

“Notice I said ‘lost its steam’ there, in a cunning reference to modern trains? You’re welcome.”

Fellow commuter, Jay Cooper, said, “Bring on the robots.

“Seriously, there are trains in the world powered solely by machinery with no actual staff on board AT ALL.

“And frankly, the less human interaction that takes place in bastard London, the better.”

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