Friday 5 August 2016 by Tom Moore

48% of Brits secretly hoping the economy will turn to shit


Man happy at economic problems

A survey has revealed that 48% of Brits would prefer to see years of recession and economic turmoil rather an upturn in fortunes so they can say ‘told you so’ to people who voted for Brexit.

Bank of England Governor Mark Carney explained, “It was one thing for the country to make such a stupid fucking decision in the face of such overwhelming expert evidence, but it would be another thing entirely for them to be proved right.

“So far, so good.”

In the build up to the referendum economic experts warned of catastrophic repercussions if the country voted to leave the EU.

However, this advice was vehemently rebuffed by the Leave camp, particularly Michael Gove who warned that “the only experts anyone should really listen to are the ones who advise you on the best way to advance your political career.”

To date, the vast majority of expert predictions appear to have been proved right as the UK economy braces itself for economic slowdown, and the Bank of England has also cut interest rates. Sterling is at a record low against the Dollar and Euro and huge sums are being wiped off the value of British companies.

“We fucking told you this would happen you bunch of bloody twats,” said Dave Cantello, a particularly smug and sanctimonious liberal standing outside a coffee emporium/shoe repair shop in Stoke Newington.

“I was listening to the radio with glee when they announced that manufacturing output and purchase intent had fallen sharply. I mean, I don’t really know what that means, but I still knew it would happen.

“And it puts me another day closer to delivering the biggest ‘I told you so’ ever seen in these parts. It’s going to be glorious.

“Of course, when I then heard later in the afternoon that the FTSE 100 had recovered, I nearly shat myself.

“But thankfully a Guardian podcast told me things have continued to get worse which is a massive relief, obviously.”

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