Thursday 4 August 2016 by Davywavy

Six more weeks of winter after Orlando Bloom’s cock sees its own shadow


Orlando Bloom naked paddleboard shadow

The world must endure six more weeks of winter after Orlando Bloom’s schlong saw its own shadow today.

In a timeless tradition beloved by millions around the world, Bloom’s todger poked its nose out into the light  – but to the disappointment of the crowd, the shadow was clearly visible meaning it is likely to be tucked away again for the foreseeable.

Spectators said the test of the weather was clearly unfair as the shadow was far, far too big to miss and demanded another go.

Many ladies on the internet were genuinely disappointed by the announcement as they’d been hoping for the first swallow of summer.

Bloom follower Sharon Williams insisted that the test should be re-run, preferably as often as possible.

“I’m just going to make some fairly obvious Lord of the Rings/ Legolas/ Pirates of the Caribbean jokes here,” she told us.

“Like his Sword of the rings made me quiver, but he can shiver my timbers any time he likes, that sort of thing.

“Look, Orlando Bloom getting his kit off is like Nicola Sturgeon calling for another referendum – it should happen again and again until the lady gets the result she wants.”

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