Thursday 4 August 2016

I’m glad it’s not terrorism, says man unaware mental health issues kill 6,000 per year


Man relieved it's not terrorism

A man has announced his relief that last night’s fatal stabbing in London was likely the result of mental health issues rather than terrorism, despite the former killing a thousand times more British people.

After the horrific murder in Russell Square, many people began to panic that a terrorist had attacked London, only to relax when learning the likely cause of the attack only kills thousands more people than terrorism.

Office worker Simon Williams told us, “I was sure it was ISIS, what with it sounding a bit ‘terroristy’ on the news this morning, and then someone on the telly saying he was black and of Somalian descent.

“Somalia has a lot of Muslims, so it was pretty safe to assume terrorism was the reason for the attack, right? I was terrorised, as I should be.

“So you can imagine my relief to learn that the likely cause is actually something that only kills 6,000 Brits a year. I can certainly sleep easy in my bed tonight.”

When asked why he was more worried about something that has so far taken the lives of a handful of tragic victims in the UK in the last few years, compared to something which kills literally thousands of victims every year, Williams was pragmatic.

He explained, “Well, the difference is obvious, isn’t it?

“Terrorism might only kill only a few people, but one of them could be me – whereas the 6,000 who die through mental health related issues definitely won’t include me.

“Well, I hope not, I mean, there’s only a 10% chance I’ll be affected by mental health problems in my lifetime, that’s practically nothing.”

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