Thursday 4 August 2016 by Davywavy

Brazil takes gold medal in Olympic Riot Control event


Brazil Riot police at Olympics

Brazil has taken the first gold of the 2016 Olympics with what judges described as an ‘impressively aggressive’ display in the Freestyle Riot Control event.

Scoring straight 6.0s across the board from an international panel, the Brazilian team crushed their opposition in the opening event with a display of baton work that clearly took anti-Games protesters by surprise.

Scattering the rag-tag team of barrio and favela dwellers who had defied the odds to meet them in the final was a mere formality for the highly-trained team of professional athletes Brazil had picked to represent them.

With the field already almost cleared by the first team, Brazil then brought on their substitutes for the shooting section where they scored a remarkable succession of direct hits with both rubber bullets and tear gas canisters.

“With a team spirit and a pushy attitude like that, coupled with first-class equipment and training facilities, it’s no surprises that the Brazilian team lead the world in cracking heads and tearing aside shoddy, hastily-constructed barricades,” said Newsthump’s Olympic correspondent, Simon Williams.

“Brazil really shocked their opponents with a coordinated display of ruthless teamwork which sends a message to the world; Brazil are not to be trifled with in this event.

“Yes, they weren’t facing world-class opposition, but I think only practised and professional teams such as those fielded by France, Russia and the USA would have stood a chance against them. A gold medal richly deserved.”

Brazil plans a replay against protesters tomorrow night, when the world’s attention will be distracted by the opening ceremony – and fans are already predicting it will be a rematch to remember.

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