Wednesday 3 August 2016 by Davywavy

Donald Trump pledges ‘complete shutdown’ on noisy babies entering the US


Donald Trump doesn't like noisy babies

No babies will be born in the United States until congress can figure out what’s going on with them, Donald Trump has pledged today.

Trump made the announcement after insisting a baby crying at a rally should be ‘sent back where it came from’ to cheers from his audience.

In order to prevent babies entering the United States illegally, the Presidential hopeful went on to declare that he would build a wall in front of ‘every lady’s foo-foo in the country’ in order to prevent anyone ‘sneaking in through an unprotected tunnel.’

Women would each be expected to pay for their own vagina wall, and Trump would enforce this by charging them a penny every time they spend a penny.

“Many of these babies…they grow up to be rapists and criminals and we need to find a way to shut that sort of thing down before we let any more in,” he told supporters.

“Obviously, the good babies, the nice ones…many of my friends have grown from them. Many of my friends are babies, but we just can’t take the risk of undesirables and terrorists slipping into this country through some unguarded birth canal.”

When Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton was told of the announcement whilst trying to take a drink, she is reported to have laughed her coffee out of her nose.

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