Monday 1 August 2016 by Tommy Charles

Scrapping of maintenance grants denies thousands access to worthless qualifications


Student maintenance grant

Maintenance grants for the poorest students were scrapped today, denying thousands of young people the opportunity to receive a worthless university degree.

The grants, which entitled students from low-income households to a payment of up to £3,287 a year and did not need to be paid back, will be replaced by loans that many poorer students feel they will simply be unable to afford.

With tuition fees also set to rise, the cost of going to university will freeze out thousands of young people, leaving them unable to attain the same pointless bits of paper as their peers.

“My cousin studied art history at university, before the cost of tuition fees were trebled,” said Rich Williamson, a student protesting the change.

“And he only came out of university with £30,000 worth of debt and with his degree he was able to find regular work at a local Starbucks within two short years of graduating.

“The potential to have this kind of future has been stolen from me by these changes.

“I will most likely have to take up a paid apprenticeship and learn applicable, useful skills for an actual profession.”

Jo Johnson, the universities and science minister, defended the move today, telling reporters, “This should not be a barrier for poorer students who want to pursue a degree that in the real world is as much use as a plasticine dildo.

“This government actively encourages people from all backgrounds to be economically enslaved by a lifetime of crippling debt; but in truth, most graduates are unlikely to hit the £21,000 threshold for repayment on their Sports Direct contracts anyway.”

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