Monday 1 August 2016 by Gary Stanton

Larry the Cat to hand back knighthood


Larry the cat downing street

Larry, the Downing Street cat, has no interest in the knighthood given to him by some bloke called David Cameron.

The sur-prrrrr-ise award was just one of many the outgoing PM saw fit to bestow on a sack of pointless no-longer-employed dickheads.

MPs are said to be furry-ous after Cameron once again overlooked people who have made a genuine contribution to society, like John Craven, online satirists and Samantha Cameron’s stylist.

Larry scooped the prize after a turbulent five-year tenure as head-mouser during which he was really fucking shit at catching mice.

However, the socialist feline sees the honours system as an unwelcome throwback to the days of empire, which he insists belongs in the ‘litter tray of history.’

Larry joins the ranks of famous individuals who have handed back their honours on political grounds such as former Beatle, John Lennon, and that black poet who’s sometimes on Newsnight.

Larry said, “The Queen can suck my balls, or at least she could if that talentless bastard hadn’t had me neutered.”

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