Friday 29 July 2016 by Gary Stanton

Shitfaced pilots to strike over airport drinking ban


Pilots drinking in airports

Pilots say a ban on excessive drinking at airports would be an infringement of their human rights.

Following proposals to restrict the sale of alcohol throughout airports, pilots say they would be forced to endure the tedium of long-haul flights without being totally cunted.

Crews from legendary pissheads British Airways are now planning a summer of disruption if the new sobriety rules are enforced.

Under the proposed regulations, the familiar sight of pilots and co-pilots knocking back Stellas in the airport bar at 4am could soon be consigned to history.

Pilots insist that modern technology allows them to sit back, crack open a six-pack and enjoy the two-hour flight to Malaga.

Last night BA pilots received an unexpected boost from French air traffic controllers who claim the occasional bottle of Sauvignon helps them to concentrate.

Pilot Simon Williams said, “Flying a plane is little more than pushing a button and reading out a weather report.

“Sure things can go wrong, but that’s why we have backup systems.”

He added, “Anyway – what are you having?”

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