Thursday 28 July 2016 by Fat Jim

World at war over money and resources, says head of $8bn religious organisation


Pope benedict

The world is at war between the people who have nothing and the people who have quite a lot more than that, according to the man who leads an $8bn religious organisation.

Pope Benedict said we must recognise that when people have nothing at all, they will be more likely to be violent.

However, he stressed he did not mean people go to war over religion, but rather engage in conflict over “interests, money, resources”.

The Pope went on to clarify that when he talked about people who have a lot, he didn’t mean a church sitting on an $8bn war-chest.

He said, “Well first I’d call it a peace-chest, I don’t approve of that phrasing. But these days $8bn is practically nothing.

“WhatsApp was worth $14bn apparently, so technically, the Catholic Church is basically half a WhatsApp, so I don’t know why you’re all so hung up on how much money we have – we’re the peaceful ones, remember.

Pope Benedict went on to discuss the motivations of those waging war across Europe.

“I don’t know why this ISIS lot seem so keen on getting to heaven for the virgins, I’m surrounded by virgins day and night and it’s not all it’s cracked up to be – trust me.

“All I really want is for the rest of the world to be as happy as the Catholic church, so my advice to warring factions is to come and join us, or get your own dollar rolling in, it’s a sure fire way to happiness.

“The prayers and stuff are really just more of a hobby.”

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