Thursday 28 July 2016 by Gary Stanton

Vicars packing heat


Priests packing heat

Vicars across Britain are purchasing semi-automatic weapons online in a bid to ward off ISIS attacks.

After the tragic slaying of Normandy priest, Jacques Hamel, vicars told ISIS fanatics that their doors might well be open, but don’t try your shit around here.

In as little as twenty-four hours, those in the clergy have amassed an impressive arsenal of handguns, assault rifles and holy water laced with nitric acid.

Meanwhile, many places of worship have been turned into fortresses, with the faithful being asked to tread carefully around the barbed wire.

On the plus side, collection plates are full, with clergyman unanimous in their verdict that a sermon is far more memorable if delivered down the barrel of an AK47.

Church of England vicar, the Very Reverend, Simon Williams said, “The part of the Ten Commandments that says thou shalt not kill is temporarily on hold while we try to figure out what the hell is going on.”

For his own protection, Rev. Williams now keeps a .44 Magnum inside a hollowed out copy of The New Testament.

He added, “According to a film I watched recently; the .44 Magnum is the most powerful handgun in the world so the question you need to ask yourself is: do you feel lucky?

“Well, do you punk?”

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