Thursday 28 July 2016

Muslim distillery to introduce sharia-compliant Halal-cohol


Halalcohol

The world’s first Muslim distillery is to introduce Sharia-compliant ‘Halal-cohol’ strong drink, we can report.

The brewers say they were inspired by the mechanisms used to create Islamic Financial products, in which senior Saudi clerics are given ever-increasing sums of money until they agree it is totally fine and in keeping with scripture.

Prominent Saudi legal expert Prince Mustapha Bakr-Handr engaged in extensive consultation and prayer before declaring the new drink Sharia compliant during a fact-finding mission to his bank in Zurich.

“This stuff will get you completely Mo-hammered”, he said, wincing in the sunshine before donning a pair of sunglasses with a pronounced air of relief.

The new line of ISIS-friendly liquor will include Djinn and tonic, Sherryherezade, Dai’shquiri and Stel-al’Artois, with an aniseed-flavoured spirit called Abu-sinthe to be marketed to Muslim
goths.

The distillers considered a sweet, almond flavoured liquor but realised that would be Haramaretto.

When asked if the drink will cause inebriation, a spokesman for the distillery said they hoped the pious would enjoy the health-giving and social benefits of consumption whilst also using their product
responsibly so that they don’t get mullahed.

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