Thursday 28 July 2016 by Lucas Wilde

All terrorists to be referred to as Twunty McTwuntface


ISIS Tunty McTwuntface

Perpetrators of terrorism are all to be referred to under one name, to discourage giving them celebrity status.

Terrorists, regardless of background, are all to be referred to as “Twunty McTwuntface”.

“We were going to refer to them all as Cunty McCuntface” revealed government spokesperson, Simon Williams, “but apparently that name had been earmarked for George Osborne in an earlier joke. This will do, though.

“It’s vital that we make these people look as ridiculous as possible – as much as you can make someone who straps a bomb to their chest in the name of God look more ridiculous, anyway.

“We’re currently seeking information regarding the whereabouts of several hundred Twunty McTwuntfaces, so if anyone has any information please dial 0800-TWUNTFACE and leave a message – preferably a short one as we’ve got other stuff to do besides listen to you blather on about your Middle-Eastern neighbour who’s probably fine.”

The change was welcomed by local community leaders.

“There is no place in Britain for Twunty McTwuntface,” confirmed Labour Councillor, Jay Cooper.

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