Tuesday 26 July 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Unelectable man to win election


Jeremy Corbyn to win labour leadership election

The Labour party remains bemused and frightened by a hugely unpopular man’s popularity.

Jeremy Corbyn, either Jesus in corduroy or open-collared Satan depending on your viewpoint, is widely predicted to comprehensively smash the Labour leadership contest with lots of votes despite the fact nobody could ever vote for him.

“It’s horrifying,” confirmed Labour MP, Simon Williams.

“Jeremy is utterly unelectable, and here he is with the biggest groundswell of support ever seen by a Labour leader.

“It’s just not right, something must have gone wrong with the space-time continuum I reckon.

“What we need is someone nice and electable, like Owen Smith, who will be lucky to get a third of the votes that Jeremy does.

“He’d at least give us a much better chance at getting elected, despite the fact Jeremy is going to get elected leader and he isn’t.

“It’s all pretty confusing, to be fair. No wonder Angela Eagle dropped out of this, the whole thing probably gave her a headache.”

Jeremy Corbyn is expected to win the leadership in a landslide or, as the BBC will put it, “a tiny majority”.

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