Sunday 24 July 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Theresa May to replace Downing Street artworks with framed Silence of the Lambs quotes


Theresa May, Silence of the Lambs

New Prime Minister Theresa May has unnerved Number 10 staff with instructions to remove all artworks and replace them with framed quotations from classic nineties serial killer film Silence of the Lambs.

“It’s weird,” said one unnamed aid.

“The ladies toilets has just got this huge sign in it saying ‘it rubs the lotion on it’s skin or else it gets the hose again’.

“To be honest, I just try to hold it until I get home now.”

The Kitchen has a sign above the door saying ‘I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti’, and ‘Have the lambs stopped screaming?’ is framed just by the door leading into the rose garden.

Mrs May is known to not particularly enjoy pictorial art and wanted something motivational for staff, she initially considered using quotes from Spice Girls songs, but nobody could spell ‘Zig-a-zig-ah.’

She then decided on quotes from a film, but there was a question over which one she would use. Airplane, Ghostbusters, and The Smurfs were all considered but sadly the new Prime Minister is incapable of humour.

It was when she was unwinding one evening by watching Hannibal Lecter eat a policeman’s face that she settled on Silence of the Lambs.

Rumours that Mrs May had planned on using framed quotes from her own speech have been denied on the grounds that it would just be really stupid.

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