Thursday 21 July 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Vladimir Putin invites Olympic Committee for a nice cup of glowing tea


Russia banned from olympics for doping offences

Vladimir Putin has invited the Olympic committee to his place to clear up this silly doping thing.

“Please, sit down,” said the terrifying Russian leader, pouring out some tea roughly the colour of Shrek’s hangover piss.

“There’s nothing here that can’t be solved over a cup of tea- that’s what those wankers in Britain tell me anyway.

“I’m not having any tea because it gives me the trots – or should I say the TROTSKYS! Haha! See? I’m a ton of fun.

“Anyway, drink up and I’m sure I’ll be able to explain to you why our track team has the mysterious ability to throw a javelin directly into the moon.”

Committee chairman, Simon Williams, whispered “I’m not really sure everything is tickety-boo here, you know.

“I mean, obviously, I’ve heard of green tea, but this one seems to be fizzing, as well as having the souls of dead double-agents swirling around inside it.

“Plus he’s not given us any biscuits. I suspect foul play.

“Still, it would be rude not to drink it and I’m fairly sure Vladimir could snap my neck like a twig, so, down the hatch.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: