Wednesday 20 July 2016 by Fat Jim

Home-working parents beg for desks in offices during school holidays


Home worker, school holidays, desk in office

Companies have reported an unprecedented rise in homeworkers pleading for desks in offices and workplaces in order to avoid their own children during summer holidays.

Panic stricken working parents are realising that a quiet and relaxed home working environment is about to be majorly disrupted by their own annoying offspring.

Modern children are no longer content with watching ‘why don’t you’ and  ‘red hand gang’ followed by a Findus Crispy Pancake, like the last proper generation of children did – they now want real educational stimulation, have a thirst for knowledge from everything from coding to the solar system and want healthy nutritious food for lunch.

Experts have pointed out that during summer months GDP rockets as working parents actually go to work and do actual jobs rather than listening to boring conference calls about sales pipelines while simultaneously stuffing in the next load of that awkward 30 C colour wash.

Mum Simone Williams told us, “How can I work, care for them and cook healthy meals? I’ll have to sneakily eat a Cheetos sandwich for lunch while hiding behind the fridge door as I try and stuff humous and cucumber into their demanding little faces.

We also found a non-executive invisible middle management type who is coming to terms with letting go of his relaxed home-working lifestyle for six weeks.

“When working from home sometimes I pretend to get stuck in traffic and don’t fire up the laptop until 9:30, and now I will have to sit in a real traffic in a real car and then interact with real people, its just not fair.

“But it’s all worth it for the peace and quiet that the office will bring, I hope they remember I still work there.”

Professional working mum Linda told us, “I’m just not ready for it, they have to give me a desk at the office – they simply have to.

“Timmy loves play dough, but my OCD goes into overdrive when he mixes up those neat little packets into a multi-coloured mess, and how many time can you watch the same episode of Peppa Pig Grandad’s Boat before you want to hang yourself?”

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