Thursday 14 July 2016 by Alex Webster

Samantha Cameron has already started ‘to do’ list for David


David Cameron

Samantha Cameron has written an exhaustive list of DIY chores for her husband now that he is not busy.

Former Prime Minister David Cameron told reporters this morning, “When I told my wife of my intention to step down as PM, she produced a pen and notepad, apparently from thin air, and started scribbling.

“I assumed she was drafting a speech or something until I noticed the first bullet point read ‘skirting boards’.

“I foolishly thought my time as an ex-prime minister would involve reflection, writing newspaper columns and more than a little spiritual atonement. Not so.

“I’ve been not a Prime Minister for exactly eighteen hours now and I’ve already been to B&Q twice, given a tentative appraisal of some wallpaper designs and fitted some new taps.

“Can I have my old job back, please? The decisions involved seemed less momentous.”

Samantha Cameron added, “When my husband disappeared into Number 10 for the last time yesterday you heard him say ‘Right’.

“That’s because I was waiting for him with a book of carpet samples and a colour chart. We love choosing carpets, don’t we Dave? Don’t we?”

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