Wednesday 13 July 2016 by Davywavy

“Who lived here last? It’s like a pigsty”, says Theresa May


Downing Street

New Prime Minister Theresa May says whoever was in Number 10 last left it a right tip.

She is also completely bemused at muffled guffaws from staff when she looked around the Prime Minister’s office and described it as a ‘complete pigsty’.

May is reported to be furious that the filing cabinet in her new office contains nothing but back issues of Top Gear magazine, an entire run of Farming Today, and a speak and spell.

Number 10 staff say the Speak and Spell had been left behind by Gordon Brown and Cameron used to get it out and laugh when he was feeling down.

Insiders tell us that May has got on with doing what Cameron described as “The hard shit” by taking over the No.10 Steam account and killing the Spider Mastermind on Doom, which her predecessor had completely failed to do.

“Now for that wanker Juncker”, she said, once she was finished.

“First things first. Someone get down the shop and pick up some AirWick as this place still smells like someone had a fry-up”.

“Streaky bacon, I’d guess”, she added with a sniff. “And Cumberland sausage.”

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