Wednesday 13 July 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Theresa May to serve as Prime Minister from lair under volcano


Theresa May

Incoming Prime Minister Theresa May will forgo the official Prime Minister’s residence of 10 Downing Street and instead govern the country from her private lair under a volcano.

“Theresa loves her lair,” said a close friend earlier.

“It’s where she’s done her most diabolical plotting over the last six years, so I’m not surprised that she’s choosing to remain there.”

The lair is located at a secret location in the Pacific and features an underground submarine base, private army of henchman, and an enormous laser.

“It’s considered one of the finest evil lairs in the world,” continued the friend.

“Certainly way better than Donald Trump’s, and almost as impressive as Rick Astley’s.”

It is unclear whether the business of Government will take place in London or at Theresa’s lair but provided everyone just shuts up and does as she says, there should be no logistical issues.

In what many in Europe will see as the most controversial move, Ms May intends to hold Brexit negotiations at her lair.

“It’s purely for practical and comfort reasons, the lair has tremendous conference facilities,” said Mrs May reassuringly.

“The fact that it also has a giant shark tank and trap door is entirely incidental.”

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