Wednesday 13 July 2016

Theresa May finds Porcine Porn Mag under mattress


Theresa May Downing Street

New Prime Minister Theresa May will sleep in one of the spare rooms after finding a copy of ‘Perky Pigs Go Wild’ under the mattress in the master bedroom.

Sources inside Downing Street say the find came after May sat on the bed to test how firm it is, before noticing a strange crumpling noise from underneath the mattress.

One of the Downing Street staff explained, “She lifted the mattress and there she found several back issues of Perky Pigs, Amateur Piglets and Sublime Porcine – many of which had pages stuck together.

“Of course, no-one knows how they got there, or who they belong to, but they were quickly removed and disposed of – nonetheless, the new Prime Minister said she’ll sleep in one of the spare rooms until the whole place has been bleached.”

Downing Street has subsequently had a call from a housekeeper in Witney, who has made what was described as a ‘very generous’ offer for the magazines, claiming they hold sentimental value for the unnamed bidder.

Our source told us, “They can have them for free, frankly, but if they’re into this kind of thing then there are a few different pig outfits left behind in Samantha’s wardrobe?”

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