Tuesday 12 July 2016 by Richard Storey

Theresa May revealed as Margaret Thatcher’s final Horcrux


Theresa May is Thatcher's final horcrux

After being chosen as the next Prime Minister, it has emerged that Theresa May is also the final Horcrux for Margaret Thatcher’s soul.

Before her death, Grand High Witch Thatcher split her soul and hid it inside several high-profile Tories so that her horrific reign of terror could live on in times to come.

Experts agree that the soul can only be split by performing supreme acts of evil; something which fortunately for her, Thatcher wasn’t entirely short of.

“It sounds straightforward, but creating Horcruxes is extremely costly,” said Labour MP Harold Potter.

“Such powerful magic takes its toll. Creating Horcruxes diminishes the creator’s humanity and can leave them physically disfigured. That’s why she wasn’t looking her best towards the end.”

No one is exactly sure which acts of evil she used to create the Horcruxes, because she did so bloody many and picking the top few would be extremely difficult.

People who lived through Thatcher’s dark reign, fear that when May takes power, she will reinstate her politicised police force – the Death Eaters – who were infamous for crushing the proletariat and anyone who dared to speak out against her evil reign.

Potter told us, “It was before my time, but the elders have told me it was hard enough getting rid of Thatcher the first time.

“Now we have to contend with a new, younger version. If I were gay, poor or happened to be a miner, I would think very carefully about emigrating before Thatcher II invokes the Lisbon Treaty charm.”

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