Tuesday 12 July 2016 by Richard Storey

Theresa May revealed as Margaret Thatcher’s final Horcrux


Theresa May is Thatcher's final horcrux

After being chosen as the next Prime Minister, it has emerged that Theresa May is also the final Horcrux for Margaret Thatcher’s soul.

Before her death, Grand High Witch Thatcher split her soul and hid it inside several high-profile Tories so that her horrific reign of terror could live on in times to come.

Experts agree that the soul can only be split by performing supreme acts of evil; something which Thatcher wasn’t short of.

“But creating Horcruxes is costly,” said Labour MP Harold Potter.

“They diminish the creator’s humanity and physically disfigure them. That’s why she wasn’t looking her best towards the end.”

No one is exactly sure which acts of evil she used to create the Horcruxes, because she did so bloody many.

People who lived through Thatcher’s dark reign, fear that when May takes power, she will reinstate her politicised police force – the Death Eaters – who were infamous for crushing the proletariat.

Potter told us, “It was hard enough getting rid of Thatcher the first time.

“Now we have to contend with a new younger version. If I were gay, poor or happen to be a miner, I’d think about emigrating before Thatcher II invokes the Lisbon Treaty charm.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: