Tuesday 12 July 2016 by Neil Tollfree

British humans enjoying final day of having rights


Theresa May Human Rights

Human beings in Great Britain are set to enjoy the last day of having human rights before Theresa May becomes Prime Minister and gets rid of all that namby-pamby, hippie nonsense.

It is expected that Ms May will sweep into Number 10 tomorrow in the late afternoon.

The first order of business will be for a henchman to deliver a well-placed boot into the pants of former Prime Minister David Cameron for being a massive loser.

She will then set fire to all human rights legislation so she can extradite who she wants when she wants, dammit.

She will then stamp on the Camerons’ cat and retire to bed.

People across the country were planning to spend today enjoying their human rights whilst they still had a chance.

“I’ll probably just spend today being considered innocent until proven guilty,” said unemployed hamster-wrangler Simon Williams.

“I’ve actually taken the day off,” said Eleanor Gay, a single Mum of nine and Professor of theoretical physics.

“I’m going to spend it believing in whatever religions I want, and then having an opinion.”

But Mrs May has denied she has a problem with human rights.

“These reports are incorrect, I wholeheartedly believe in the principle of universal human rights,” she confirmed.

“Just not for everyone.”

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