Tuesday 12 July 2016

Angela Eagle’s office window stages unjustifiable and undemocratic attack on innocent brick


Brick Angela Eagle's offices

Jeremy Corbyn supporters have condemned the ‘unjustifiable attack’ on a brick by Angela Eagle’s office window today.

The window, which has protested its innocence, has been described as a lying traitor by Momentum supporters after launching itself on the harmless lump of masonry.

The brick was described as ‘just flying through the air, minding its own business’ when it was violently assaulted by the window of Eagle’s constituency office.

It is understood that the window suffered some minor damage during the altercation, which brick allies describe as totally justified and no more than it deserved.

“This is the sort of behaviour that people who don’t support Jeremy Corbyn engage in,” said popular tinfoil-hat website The Canary writer Simon Williams.

“They go round attacking bricks which are completely blameless and aren’t doing any harm.

“We utterly condemn this sort of violent behaviour by windows on the brick community, and demand it apologises and commits never to carry out this sort of oppressive and Blairite behaviour ever again.”

Williams went on to demand that people stop standing round complaining about “broken glass” and “calling the police”, and instead pull together for party unity.

The brick has been taken to the nearby Momentum office where it is receiving treatment for minor scuffing sustained during the attack.

When asked, the brick said it would be protesting at Hillary Benn’s office tomorrow, and it wouldn’t be at all surprised if the window there tried something similar, but it hoped to be ready to defend itself once again.

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