Monday 11 July 2016 by Lucas Wilde

“Who’s sad now?” cackles Theresa May


Theresa May not sad at all

Theresa May has been throwing her head back and laughing for a good hour.

Britain’s next Prime Minister started giggling after Andrea Leadsom – the rival who suggested Theresa May must be “very sad not to have children”- pulled out the race after realising nobody actually liked her.

“It’s been a non-stop cackle-fest” confirmed May’s assistant, Simon Williams.

“She paused for roughly three seconds to take a sip of victory scotch, and then sat back in her chair to watch the news and laugh some more while flicking V-signs at the television.

“I would say it’s not the gracious behaviour one might expect from a Prime Minister in waiting, but Andrea Leadsom was rather nasty to Theresa, so we’ll let her off.

“We’re currently hoping she can get this out of her system in time to make a statement, though; she’s going to come off as a bit callous if she describes Leadsom as a ‘worthy opponent’ while pissing herself laughing.”

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