Thursday 7 July 2016

No such thing as ‘death’ claims man whose TV show literally killed a man


Noel Edmonds

Noel Edmonds has explained that death doesn’t exist, despite killing a man on his Saturday night TV show, The Late Late Breakfast Show.

Speaking to the Daily Mirror, Edmonds said that people cannot die, even when taking part in an ill-conceived stunt for a show fronted by a fame-hungry midget.

Edmonds explained, “We are all just energy, and that cannot die, even if the Health and Safety Executive are particularly damning in their assessment of how we ‘released the energy’ of one of our show’s participants.

“Sure, there was a funeral for him, and his family were distraught, and we were prosecuted and fined, but really it was just a case of moving his energy from one vessel to another – and repeating that to myself over and over again is how I sleep so well at night.

“Well, that and all the cash I make spouting this rubbish to gullible idiots, which pays for the nice house, my comfortable bed and the luxury sheets I sleep in.

“There’s money in electrosmog, don’t you worry about that.”

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