Wednesday 6 July 2016 by Dan Sweryt

Sir John Chilcot signs lucrative five-report deal with publishers


SIr John Chilcot signs lucrative 5-report publisher deal

Sir John Chilcot will continue his fantasy series of reports after signing a lucrative five-report deal with the publishers of his fictional masterpiece ‘The Chilcot Report’, HM Government.

Unconfirmed reports state the deal, expected to take over 200 years to complete, will continue the adventures of his fictional protagonist, the ‘Famously Innocent PM’, in a desolate landscape known only as a post-Brexit nation of somewhere unspecific.

The Chilcot Report 2: Electric Boogaloo is expected to start seven years after the conclusion of the previous report, with the hero dancing the night away after getting off scot-free, despite everyone knowing he’d done it.

The publishers were said to be ‘extremely satisfied’ with the report, which not only met high expectations but didn’t require billions of further investment indicting a former Prime Minister.

The deal is worth £790 per day to Chilcot with a hereditary privilege thrown in, with the final deal amounting to around £10gazillion given the amount of time it takes to complete a single tome.

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