Saturday 2 July 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Country to be renamed ‘United Kingdom of Wales and the other ones’


Wales Euro 2016

Following the Welsh football team’s stunning victory against Belgium in the European Championships, the entire country is to be renamed in their honour.

“Yeah, that’s fair,” said nit-crusher Simon Williams.

“I mean, I’ve been up all night scouring the family tree to see if I can find any connection to Wales.

“My Uncle once went on holiday to Pembrokeshire, but I’m not sure that counts, so changing the country name will hopefully make everyone think I’m Welsh.”

Following a week of dreadful posh people squabbling over who can lie to the public in the most convincing fashion, the Wales team progression to the semi-finals has united the entire population behind them.

“Can we make Gareth Bale Prime Minister?” asked wasp-wrangler Eleanor Gay.

“I mean, he seems ever so nice, he’s very popular and has got a tremendous left-foot.

“Which was always a weakness of David Cameron, I thought.”

The formal renaming of the country will be marked by a ceremony in which Queen sacrifices a sheep to Tom Jones.

Following the name change, ‘boyo’ will replace ‘mate’ as the national friendly form of address between friends, and both men and women will be expected to grow a beard like a Victorian cricketer and sing lustily at every opportunity.

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