Thursday 30 June 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Roy Hodgson joins Tory leadership race


Roy Hodgson joins campaign for Tory leadership

After Boris Johnson ruled himself out of the Tory leadership race, there has been another dramatic turn of events as Ex-England manager Roy Hodgson launches his bid to be leader of the Tory party and Prime Minister of Great Britain.

“To be honest, it’s the dream job for me,” said Hodgson as he announced his campaign.

“I’ve had several years’ experience leading a tragically unlikable collection of over-privileged egomaniacs who are all completely unable to do anything useful in Europe, which is essentially the job description for Tory leader.”

He was cagey about who he’d like in his team, but did reveal that he greatly admired Theresa May.

“Theresa’s been a fantastically consistent performer as Home Secretary, having held that post for six solid years. She is by far and away the best choice for Home Secretary and can do a lot of stellar work there.

“So, I’ll have her taking corners…I mean, have her as Secretary of Education.”

He also revealed a controversial plan to change up ministerial departments.

“The foreign office seems very bloated to me, so we’ll just strip it down to two people and if one gets sick we’ll just draft in someone from the Environment office.”

He also announced a surprising plan to have five different Chancellors of the Exchequer, because he can’t decide which one he likes best.

In other news, Boris Johnson has announced that he would like to be considered for the England manager position.

“Disastrously crashing out of Europe and then pissing off? I’m brilliant at that.”

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