Thursday 30 June 2016

Boris Johnson finally perfects his Andy Pipkin impression


Lou and Boris

After months of saying ‘I want that one’ while pointing at 10 Downing Street, Boris Johnson has admitted he doesn’t even want to be prime minister.

Johnson told the assembled reporters at a press conference this morning that he never wanted to be prime minister in the first place, and so we should all just ‘jolly well shut up about it’.

However, we have uncovered a recording of the secret behind-closed-doors meeting between Boris Johnson and his closest advisers, a transcript follows:

“Boris, you do realise that becoming prime minister in a period of unprecedented uncertainty, both politically and economically is going to make your tenure incredibly hard?”

“Yeah I know.”

“And you do realise that in all likelihood the negative impact on the economy that Brexit will have, and the difficult decisions you’ll have to take as a result, are likely to leave you with a tarnished reputation?”

“Yeah I know.”

“And you know that Michael Gove has now split the Leave support amongst your parliamentary colleagues ensuring that if you both run it’s unlikely either of you will make the final two?”

“Yeah I know.”

“And you realise that althought you are a likeable buffoon to many voters, the idea of you leading the country fills them with dread?”

“Yeah I know.”

“Ok then, go and announce your plan to run for prime minister.”

“Don’t want to.”

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