Wednesday 29 June 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Silver lining found as everyone forgets about the f*cking tennis


tennis television

Everybody forgot about Wimbledon this year, and at least that’s something, according to reports this afternoon.

The annual look-left, look-right festival has arrived with little to no fanfare following the enormous fetid mess that is Brexit, and the hilarious sight of England crashing out of the much more important sport of football.

“There’s tennis?” enquired Simon Williams. “I’ll be honest, I had completely forgotten about that. Maybe it’s because of the weather or the overall sense of doom dominating the news; I suppose neither of those put one in the mood for watching people dick about in tight shorts.”

“I’ll be honest, I had completely forgotten about that. Maybe it’s because of the weather or the overall sense of doom dominating the news; I suppose neither of those put one in the mood for watching people dick about in tight shorts.

“In an ideal world, you wouldn’t have told me and I would have remained in a state of ignorant bliss, but I guess that’s Brexit for you.

“Don’t look for a link, there isn’t one. I’m just still really upset.”

Elizabeth King, a traditional sports-widow, said, “tennis is usually a fairly low importance for my alpha-male husband, which means we watch it for at least two hours a day.

“But this year it’s not even registered in his brain that it’s happening; like the birthday of a distant relative or, in his case, my birthday.”

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