Saturday 25 June 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Britain still not sunk into the ocean


Man bemused after Brexit

Remain supporters have been left bemused by Great Britain not sinking into the ocean the moment the results of the referendum were announced.

“Well, I suppose it’s a relief,” said Remain supporter and twice beard-grower of the year Simon Williams.

“But I’m sure it’s only temporary. I mean, obviously, leaving the EU can only result in the utter destruction of the country and the whole thing sinking into the ocean.

“I assume it’ll happen over the weekend.

“Whatever, I’m prepared. I got straight on Amazon yesterday and bought a lilo so when the country does sink into the sea, all I’ve got to do is inflate it and I’ll just sail over to Europe for asylum.”

Experts admitted that their forecasts of Britain sinking into the ocean may have been a little inaccurate.

As one explained, “Yes, I admit Britain hasn’t actually sunk into the ocean yet, but I am an expert and I made a prediction so obviously there can be no way that I’m wrong, Britain will definitely sink into the ocean.

“I assume the only reason it hasn’t done yet is because it’s been raining…or something.”

There is now concern amongst some Remain supporters that Britain won’t sink into the ocean before it spontaneously combusts as a result of the vote to leave the EU.

“Ah yes, but I’m prepared for that too,” said the ever-practical Mr Williams.

“I bought a hat.”

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